Another busy week has passed, done with my business law paper and I was pleased as punch that it was doable — not as hard as expected. I did not study until the last hour before the paper, so I'm glad I was able to do it else I'd be such a dead meat! Roy and I are settled down in the new place with all the stuff in the cozy room. Pretty much done up and we hit Ikea store yesterday, got some baskets, boxes and what not. R and I both agreed that the most satisfying corners of the room are the area for my books and his display cabinet. For my area, as discussed and planned, we have a tall glass shelf for my books. Anyway they just take up two partitions, so Roy placed our love boxes on the others. The whole display set's very eye-capturing. But kinda shy that all the big boxes, cards and scrapbooks I did for him are all sitting on that big shelf that only an idiot will miss once stepped into the room. For his own cabinet which is beside the TV console and built-in wardrobe, he got his whole collection of watches and our childhood photos. So cute. I intend to save up more so he can have more collections of Mont Blanc on top of his own

So much about the happy stuff, we do have our little disputes and misunderstanding too. Last wednesday, I had a sleep over at his place. We started quarreling at 6am and I just stood at the balcony to cry my heart out. After my head started to give problem again, we decided to put all things down n went to bed at 10am. Anyway, I wouldn't wanna talk about this because I won't want anyone to judge him. Alright, just an insight. He's a heavy sleeper. Not just that, but he doze off really fast; say 5 seconds? So I was feeling pretty upset and I thought I had a useless boyfriend. I hate to lay in bed, so awake that I just keep waiting for myself to get sleepy. Speaking of which, I have a part to play in too. I should have curbed on my temper better, and better. Things just happened at the wrong timing. Funnily, he'd always think I'm the hard-hearted n harsh one whenever we quarrel. How I bombarded him with all the harsh words and attitude, while not giving a damn for his feelings. But here on my side, I do think the same toward him. How on earth can someone so sweet and endearing become such a cold and stern guy right in front of me...Until I threw my arms over him and he came all soft again. I hate how we quarrel and at that instance, it felt like we don't know each other. Just yesterday, we were back from Ikea, sorting out all the boxes and stuff that have been laying there for days. I opened up this box and they were all his childhood photo albums. I flipped through the first photo and it was him doing an ugly-adorable face. I was told that he'd show me all his younger photos on our 1st year. True indeed, it brought this anticipating feeling in me and I always don't ask him to show them to me. So I closed it back, and that's when I noticed an envelope

The envelope looked so unfamiliar and I knew it wasn't mine to him. I opened up (curiosity kills) but the pieces of letters looked like I wrote them for him, until... The words, the name 'She' called him, the signing off. Just then, he came into the room. "You might want to tear this up" I said as I passed that letter to him, head tilted to one side. Hey I was still giving a little smile. He opened up and we talked about it but my tears just kept flowing in 2 seconds. I was neither jealous nor angry but just purely disappointed that he didn't tell me things that I was supposed to know. I tell him every single detail of my life, literally of course. But it seems that I always find out stuff later that I hate to know/see/hear. Y'see, you always accept the ugly truths better if it comes out as an honest confession or self-explanation but once you find out things that he has been keeping from you (be it intentional or not to hide some small details that could mean a lot to you), that's it. And I don't understand why I am sad, he has to be mad. I told him to leave me alone, since for this case, what does he expect me to do. Forgive n forget the next sec? I can do that, but that won't come out honest from me. Right. After telling R to leave me alone while I sorted out his clothes, he told me to give it a thought since he didn't mind when he saw the past e-mails that I still keep. Well hey, those e-mails came from? Prashan? Sha? You know them. Now who signed out this sweet little letter for you? Melody? Oh who the hell is that

I don't mean to kick a fuss out of this issue again but every time I find out stuff that I don't like, it makes me fall deeper into this whole disappointing shit again. I was so pleased, or more than just pleased, that at least we have this new room full of nothing but just us and our stuff. It may not mean much to a guy, but it hell does mean a lot to me. I was the one who taped up that box, which the damn letter was in it, and wrote a big 'Personal' on it. Then I brought it to the new place, and even opened up. Hell right it was personal! I do not see things as they are, I see things as we are. I thought that we have such a special room of our own, free from unwanted stuff. But days after we moved in, till I opened up that box, I have been staying in a room with a letter that stained our relationship. Yes, he immediately tore it up when he knew it upset me, because he really did not pack that box and saw the letter. If he knew it, he would have tore it up even way before we moved in. But again, how was I supposed to buy this story? I trust him, I love him a lot. Just that I don't like knowing things later that aren't even coming out of his mouth. I know that's how a relationship works. Disappointments and anger constitute a healthy one; having pure happiness every day does not make a couple stronger

So to conclude all, I'm still very fortunate to have Roy in my life because not anyone can give me this much of love and affection. Throughout this 11 months plus of journey, our love has brought so much happiness, sadness and experiences to us. With him around, I always feel so comfortable. Even though there were many times I told him how tired I got and I didn't wanna have all of that anymore, he still hung on tight and believed with all of his heart that we would get through all together. He always believes and believes, never once has he given up on us. This is something I truly love about him, and it gives me so much assurance and faith in us too. Last Christmas, we started talking to each other at 12:40am. It was such a good talk because both of us felt comfortable and cheerful in such a long time! This year, we spent it together in a very simple way. Just the two of us, company that worth more than anything. We're turning 1 year old, and it's such a good feeling knowing that. Bursting from thinking of the awesome plans we made for the 16th of Jan. I love you, Roy. Always...