One thing I often ponder to myself is, why do new problems come after old issues have been resolved? There are many questions that will always remain unanswered. A week or two of misery, sorrow n despair, I've been so worn out. If you're curious as to what happened, even though my 19th birthday just passed, I would say some things are not what you see from the outside. You could be having an awesome party with all the close people around you, but are you truly happy? Have you ever felt scared? Afraid of expressing yourself out because you know the things you are gonna hear and get back would be the last thing you wanna hear in this world? Tell you something new... Since young, I was always quiet n would choose to keep my thoughts n feelings to myself instead of expressing them out - I then happened to realize I actually kept more than just a few diaries! But one thing I never stopped doing constantly was to write letters. It is something I used to do almost everyday; even when I've no one to write to, I'd just scribble a lot of heartfelt words on any notes I could find. Months later, I'd gladly chance upon some of them in all places. This is a good way to remind myself of stuff that I've once written - both good and bad. Positive words, surely it's a thing worth reminding n remembering for. While for negative thoughts, I'll take them as a motivation n encouragement of how I've gotten past them n grew up from

Just recently, I don't really write anymore... Busy schedule; running around all day long running errands n settling stuff isn't a reasonable excuse for neglecting writing and reading, though. So I shall skip that part since I don't wanna get judged. Hehe. See, the bad side of being in a hiatus is that we don't let out our thoughts anymore. For my case, I've stopped sending my boyfriend endless written n sincere letters, n that's when all the problems seem even harder to be solved n get on with. As much as I could remember, I had been having a tough time coping with things, especially on my birthday week. It was even indescribable as everyday I was so immune to crying n breaking down. It was never the sort of thing like we were on a verge of breaking up, because we always have this strong faith and burning hope in us no matter how huge the problems have blown up to. But it had been extremely... difficult for me. Both R and I are short-tempered, impatient and sensitive - I'd say most of the time. Sometimes, it was impossible for us to communicate at all. I reckon this is one of the few obstacles couples go through together. Now that I think back, oh man, my birthday week was indeed terrible. Everyday was just crying and more crying... Even few hours before my birthday party, we were fighting so bad that I had zero mood to celebrate. We kept telling ourselves that we're gonna truly enjoy ourselves and put the conversation till after the party's over. For that instance, I knew it was impossible for me to spend a night with all my loved ones - and especially him - smiling n pretending I was the happiest girl n that everything was smooth and great. Boy, was I wrong. When the crowd started coming in, we were happy welcoming them that we soon forgot about the conflict and unhappiness we had...

The Saturday was at Hard Rock Hotel, Resorts World Sentosa. He has indeed put in a lot of effort for the 15th as if his life depends on it. On the 16th, it was my 19th birthday as well as our actual 1st Year together but the hotel rooms were fully booked on the 16th so we had a celebration a day in advance. The cake-cutting moment was one of the most exciting parts of that day - surely it was - because I got such a pleasant surprise from the Love that my huge cake was Snoopy! See cake... He specially arranged cherries for myself as well, knowing it's my favorite n he wouldn't want to miss out any single detail. What's more, Cherries, hmmm. It's something that would undoubtedly get me happy without a least bit of effort. To top it up, it wasn't easy to have that cake because he spent many long calls with the person on line - regarding the decorations n preferences of the cake. One thing I appreciate a lot too, was the Snoopy balloon he specially asked to customize. See balloons... We were still in grouchy moods when we had the room access card but upon seeing the balloon, it just made me feel so touched n loved. At least I know he's true in heart n always gives me all his best. The whole night was just drinking, playing n more drinking. The midnight strikes; Alcohol starts. Martel n Black Label wasn't even enough. Then, most of them left in the dawn whilst we catch a few winks. The next day was a walk around RWS with my family. After continuous hours of walking, we headed back in the evening but I realized I left the camera charger in the hotel room! So we made a U-turn back again...

Speaking of which, my memory is getting from bad to worse. Ever since Dad got me my Blackberry, there were a few times I almost lost it. All of those careless moments were brought about by my negligence. I actually left it at the paying counters n would head back n retrieve it from some honest souls. It's not that I don't appreciate my stuff n belongings, but it just slips off my mind so easily! Just this morning, I realized I have lost my iTouch... Can't believe my mood was totally gone for the entire day. It was a Monthsary present from my bf n all that matters to me was that there are a lot of heartfelt words in it meant for R. You know times when you just thought of something so you scribble/type down lest you forget clean about it again? I had a few important issues that I've been meaning to fill my bf in. Right now the unacceptable fact lies right in front of me, what else can I do? So Monday, which was the 17th, we visited Universal Studios (USS). It was great apart from the fact that it rained that day n brought much inconvenience n that it closed at 7pm while we had the misleading idea it was at 10pm. (I was still depressed that day because I remembered crying twice on that trip, yes things were that bad) We were checking out when I carelessly left the camera at the paying counter, yet again. It was then when the cashier chased after us for a short distance to return it to us, another kind soul. I would've popped a killer pill n die in silence if I were to lose all that fresh pictures we just took from the trip. It was so nice, so fun n memorable. See photos... We ended the night at Henderson Waves, talked under the broad sky n lightly cold wind about everything. I am pleased to say after that heart-to-heart talk, I stopped crying. It's a wonderful thing...

Special thanks to all the presents that I've received - Lots of make-up, though. Porter bag, my birthday dress, huge lovely cake, Gucci Rush my all-time fave a.k.a. secure perfume n USS tickets by my baby boy. My eldest brother for booking two hotel suites n the Gucci BB cover. My parents for their $$$ n endless love. My other three brothers for their $$$, present n infinite concern. Appreciation to the rest, who made the effort n everything else. I was hoping that my fave cousin Whitney would be there, though. Nevertheless, I had a good lunch at Cedele with her before her flight took off! A lot more words to be expressed but I shall keep them to myself...for it's 5am n I'm a bit shagged after a solid week of project meet-ups for the 1 hour presentation. It wasn't a tough job at all but I had been getting very little sleep. So, good night guys. Till then, x