I've had a really bad night yesterday. The thoughts that got me pondering over kept me awake till 5am when I had to wake up in few hours' time for my driving test. We do all kinds of things to safeguard ourselves; impulse decisions. For instance, lie to the people we love. The last time I lied, (as far as my memory takes me) I felt downright disgusted by myself. I'm not saying my partner has cheated me, vice versa. It's just a random bring-up... They say, when you lie intentionally especially to your loved ones, you will get burnt in hell. I don't believe in hell but I heck do believe in karma. Once you lie, you will need 99 excuses to cover up. Before you make a fool out of yourself and by causing hurt to the other partner, why not be honest from the start? It doesn't harm to be true, although truth hurts. We do things out of our conscience. Clear conscience is resisting temptation/not lie of a small mistake so as not to hurt the other person. If we still want to go ahead with doing something we obviously know is morally wrong, then there needs to be some good burning and spanking of ass in hell

You have never lied to me, as far as I know of. I just need you to stay this way

Each day, there will be new obstacles. There are endless of things to worry for in this world. I'm born a worrier, but who says I can't change this fact? Anything can be changed so long we put our heart into doing it. Just yesterday, I told R: "I'm impulsive, stubborn, hot-tempered. Guess I'm fated to be like this all my life" He replied saying: "Now you're wrong; we can control and change our fate. Those traits you mentioned, can all be improved and reduced. Fate lies in your hands." So me being the greatest worrier, which runs in the genes, I should just follow my natural rhythm to do all things, and maybe it will get better. I must learn to let loose, relax and enjoy every process...no? Speaking of which, I have this issue with 'expectations' for long

I always expect a lot—all my life I've been like this—and what I got from the results are pure disappointments. It's important to have expectations in life, but too much of them just screw things up. Don't talk about nervousness or calmness; even when I am totally calm I still get shits. Things just always don't go the way we want (one of the facts we have to live with) It's not an easy task to erase off overly-high expectations. Well I just don't like how when things don't end up the way we expected, we get so disappointed. Time after time...and my emotions are so screwed. They have hurt me so much, since I started telling myself I need to score A for this and that; I want that perfect boy; I need to do these tasks within a period. Goals. We have goals in life because we have a standard of expectations in the future. But doesn't it seem like we're so obsessed with working out our goals that we find ourselves living in the future instead of the present? Having plans is most crucial amongst all; at least we know we are working towards something realistic and useful, instead of completing the goals that we just want to accomplish and feel happy for that instant

Anthea, xoxo