Things haven't been on the good side. First, it was my health. I don't see a confident, optimistic, carefree girl. What I see is a pessimistic, sad, scared shitless kid. Over-optimism often leads to disappointment. Be it school results; you studying so hard for it yet not getting what you wanted, soccer results; for instance, supporting all out on germany team against spain yet they didn't get the glory. I have a thing for over-confidence now. Not just happened to me a few times, in fact many times- when I have full faith in myself but it didn't go my way. I understand when things are fucked up, we js have got to deal with them. Solving is the only way, besides giving up, which I am on the verge of doing so. I always say I'm okay- which I'm not. I have an aching spine forever, I am tired every moment, I yawn countless times the minute I geddup from bed, I often find breathing difficult, I puke when I take cabs, my tummy is always bloated with air and with this statement, please do not judge me- I'm not a big farter. Anyways, I honestly do not like my health, not that I can rant much bout it cos I'm left with no choice since the start. I didn't choose it, neither did I want it. I never wanted it. At the least in the eyes of others, it is okay to have a curve spine. Yes I heard from them. It is okay to have a crooked nose. But it affects me a hell lot. I can't accept and say I'm good with all that, because I'm not. It's not easy, leave me alone... Occasionally when I'm feeling some sad bones moving in me, sometimes in front of my boyfriend, I'll cry and blame my fate that I got such a flaw. It's just stupid... But again, I could've gotten something worse- because everyone has flaws and inabilities to do things. Today, I am stronger. Every once in a while, I should still keep that little flame of hope burning in me, to keep reminding myself I am fortunate enough

Second thing, the lovely bones sleeping beside me right now hasn't been in his best too. The last time we cried together was after we watched a sad movie. We thought about Clipper (his late husky). He was unloading all his unhappiness, and began tearing, I thought that was earth shattering enough so I cried along with him. That was few weeks ago, late at night. Yesterday, we felt terrible, again. He looks quite tough, but in actual fact, he does let emotions take control over him. I know a lot bout him. He can cry over a dog he didn't used to love as much. But in retrospect, he felt that he should've spent more time with him. Knowing him, he doesn't cry over the slightest things (duh my boyfriend isn't a soft bean bag) but he cries probably too much when he's overwhelmed by sadness. More than I do. Too much bad things have been coming in and I can literally feel everything is so hard to manage either. Not going into details, but I can conclude that you can trust no one in this world other than your closest love ones. "Me and you, forever against the world x" Hypocrites can all get their asses burn in hell. Don't come to waste our bloody time and act all fake in front of us. It isn't cool. You wanna have two faces behind your mask? Then know your script well before acting, don't make a joke out of yourself

Sigh, I've still got a wedding dinner to attend tonight. Haven't been to school for days and the whole class is literally mocking at me- for the mosquito joke. Okay I woke up on a Thursday having all energy and determination to go for class yet I got a shock when I got to the mirror. I had 4 huge mosquito bites on my face. Yes it sucked real bad. They were so red I looked like crap. Obviously I couldn't step out like that. It isn't funny. Moving on, I am glad or rather, more than pleased that my new bed's here. I don't wanna talk about the cocked up transportation and arrangement that screwed my Saturday up. Mom got it for me, single bed for $500. Her queen size one wasn't even this lot. I'm loving not just the hard 1000 pieces of springs underneath but also the UK logo at the side of the bed. Nah I'm js lame, I love the UK flag too much till to this extent. She could've jolly well spent this 500 on herself, but she didn't. My mom is not like that, she is the most thrifty person I know- only spending on her family and never herself. Mom is nice, almost great... Luv her. This bed will be good for my back. But yes, I did give her a huge tight hug that made her suffocated for 1 minute. Then I threw a peck on her cheeks and it was all shiny with my lip gloss. Well I'm gonna look forward to tonight's match- Holland vs Spain. Holland will be the one lifting the trophy; just too bad that my all-time fave england lost its chance long ago