Today I called Mama. The mama that I haven't met for 3 years or more. She said my voice's completely different. No, my voice has always been the same, only today. I've been sad for like what, 8 hours? She has watched me grow, and she really understands me. Although I rarely speak when I was younger, but when I do my voice was always cheerful. Oh well, let us see. Today, I didn't mean to talk to her in that sad tone. I didn't mean to cry over that very expensive dinner with all my family n to dampen that happy atmosphere because I accidentally squashed a bug. I didn't mean to give R a cold shoulder the whole evening, till he just left. Didn't mean to TSK so much either. My second brother, whom I was so close with since I started sharing a bedroom with him, said this that made me think he's the next person who comprehends my heart. He said whenever I cried n he asked what's wrong, I wanted so badly to answer but I remained silent. I'd just show a grumpy face but no fret, gimme 1/2 an hour n I'd talk. Om yes, this is my trait. It's true my family, and my boyfriend understand me the most in this world. But at times, none existing human actually can guess what's on my mind. Even to myself, I think I'm the hardest person to figure out. I just want to apologize if I did make y'all worry, not just tonight. I have my assignment due tomorrow but I haven't started on a single question. My room desk is a mess n I have been swearing since forever to clear it off because I always can't find my comb n pins. It's just a sty of random funny things thrown about in the midst of chaos. I want a clean n tidy desk but I don't know if this will really happen. I am somehow cash tight, too many may babies. That's really all, every letter is a struggle to grasp