I’ve been in an unbelievably upset mood these few days, like my life has changed drastically in just a few days and definitely not in a good way. I just feel that, when something really good happens, and I feel a little of luck n happiness, it somehow always seems to get messed up in the end. Something has to come n end all of that

Altho it's just a few days since I'm back from genting, I’ve had a lot on my plate. I thought that genting trip would be a getaway since I've been working my ass off so hard n not getting enuff' rest. I did enjoy the short vacation but once I got back, all problems start to occur right before my eyes. They are not good stuff n my mind never stop thinking for even a second. Through hard times like this, you realized your family means so much. Too much that they stand even an important place than everything else

Things that happened all of a sudden have been too hard for me to write down on paper and make any sense. My closest people keep on telling me to stop thinking, but I cant bring myself to. This sucks. Everything seems to be crashing n falling. I hate life suddenly. All things seem to be slipping from my grip like I’m not good enough to hold on. Things really haven’t been this bad in a long time and I'm so down

I realized that counting down to 2010 or not doesn't make much of a difference, cos every year goes on. I wouldnt want to head down to town n get myself drown in sweats n all. I know that my ffave girls hv been trying very hard to make me feel happier, n I appreciate the effort. But I cant get the mood, I cant seem to find the mood at all. I’m really sorry if the way I'm feeling has affected y'all as well or if I have been putting you off, like for tonight. Y'all just hv to understand

Everything has to be balanced, I need to look on the bright side no matter how bad things get. On the optimistic side, I love how the world is making me grow,with all the setbacks. Every year pass by so fast, without us realizing. Life is like a ride, we just have to enjoy it. Take the roller coaster ride I took at genting for example. At some point I got really excited n I wished I could stay there forever, but it wont. Somehow we hv to get down, we fall apart and start over again. The only thing that keeps a person going is knowing. Knowing what is right/wrong from my experiences. Things are not falling into place as I wanted but I hope things will look up soon. I just hv to go through a lot of bad shit to ever get back to the good

I’m sorry I swerved off the high road and sunk so low, it's not something I wanted. I’m trying to find the rope again and climb back up. Tomorrow will be a new day. A new year :-)