Just occurred to me the reality of youth, growing up and fleeting participation in my life. Many times, i do think about it

...So there i was thrust into the world. A world full of hdb flats, stained glass windows, Nintendo game boy, old playgrounds, DSC200 SLR camera and etc. Whenever it's time for one of my parents to pick me back home from my nanny's place, i'd cry my eyes out. Since i was small, i never liked going home. I was a stubborn lil' girl and barely smile in my photos. From then on, i began to grow, as one generally does in this situation. Having been moved up to a catholic school, i found the harsh reality of social development. Never liekd to socialize often, a trait i've had since i was young. Just a month ago, one of my close friends reminded me how anti-social i was. Plus the fact that i was super quiet all the time and i didn't talk to 'em much. I spent most of my time on reading and writing, Daddy was always happy to see me sitting on my fave desk, nose on books. Speaking of which, i remember there was once when i stapled my thumb accidentally and blood gushed out like a river. My fave storybook was then stained with blood, and i mean a lot of it. So i had no choice but to throw it away, if not i could still have it with me today

Relieved to be gone, i hit the worst secondary school. I thought it was one of my biggest regrets and mistakes to be in that faggot school. To be locked in for 7 hours or more a day with weird people whom i thought were childish though i wasn't really matured either. Found my interest in playing guitar and i literally 'strummed my everyday away', which for some reason i insisted on going to the lessons. After two years i lost interest in it and gave up, my teachers were disappointed with me but i didn't give a damn. I've two nervous habits, one of which is biting my nails down to fucking nubs and the other is fixing my hair constantly. I found myself in the center of attraction but i was never happy. I had very very little time in school and more time spent on nonsensical stuff like having my skirt pulled up really short with piercings on my nose, helix and lobe ears. Not to mention hanging out at malls all the time and getting myself into meatball trouble. I hated it whenever discipline teachers pick on me, most of the time because of my hair color which i refused to change. They punished me all the time, i had to face the pillar with ants crawling around me. But i'd always call up my parents and rant eevrything to 'em, knowing they'd scream at the teachers for punishing their princess daughter in those strict ways. I had my first boyfriend when i was 13 and i admit i really did love him a lot, i guess? Deciding that i shouldn't be such a disappointment to my love ones anymore, i began to work really hard to gain back trust and confidence from my parents and brothers, and all that shown me love and care but i was never appreciative

To me, high school life sucked to the maximum. Whenever anyone mentions about missing their secondary school life, i'd blabber out everything to 'em. Telling 'em i prefer middle school because it was so much fun compared to sec school which sucked like so much mustard squeezed on my burger. yeah i actually did feel that way. But again, i met some really nice people like

• Sherna, the girl who already hated me at first sight but we became really close like sisters after that. She's the only friend who shares the same birthday as me. And we used to make our math teacher really mad during every lesson, sometimes he refused to come in to teach or talk to us but just write on the whiteboard without opening his mouth
  
• Esther, although we used to quarrel and fight a lot all the time. There was once when i screamed in class at her in the middle of Mr Clark's lesson cos i caught her exchanging sweet glares with my ex boyfriend. Amir said my hand was shaking real bad and was close to tears, was really mad angry. Hahahahhhh but after all she's really a nice girl
• Xiaoyin, who was my sweetest pen pal
  
• Joley, the crazy and hardworking friend who has never fail to motivate me in all ways. And miss our happy times together
  
• Michelle, my very good friend whom i treated just like my soul sister
• Syahiran, who made me look forward to school everyday with an excited mood and cried in class on the day he graduated
• Dassyali, who used to be my all-time favorite best friend

Back, i broke off with the over-possessive ex boyfriend three years later, and i promise to get a better one in future- one who can make our relationship last even longer than three years. (reason why now i still haven't found my right one yet) Left school to study on my own and promised to mug really hard and prove to those non-believers wrong since i've chosen a different path from the others in school. Yes, i also must possess something different, that is self-discipline. To be honest, kicking this bad habit is really tough, clear enuff' for all those lazy people, y'know it. But i'm much goal-driven as compared to the past, one thing i'm glad about. And here i am, my story has yet to begin...

Sorry if this post is too long or boring for y'all that even reading a paragraph of it hurts your eyes but i always like to talk a lot at night, especially to reminisce . You must be thinking i'm a little berserk in the head. Out