no one's causing my unhappiness. just don't understand why i can become someone i would never imagine myself to be; fuck anthea. i don't like having this feeling, in fact i hate it a lot. this is really depressing. how i wish i'm living in a small house in an idyllic countryside, accompanied with a cozy garden of beautiful flowers. the sun, just freshly risen, shine across my window pane. clouds shrouding me in moments unforgettable.

what is the purpose in life? a question that i'm constantly searching for an answer. an answer that i'll never be able to find. a life that i simply do not wish to live. but one thing for sure, i know there's a bunch of people that will always be by my side, that i feel safe relying and confiding to.

in case you're wondering whats happened to me, it's next to nothing. i just feel a tinge of sadness. and i'm sure i'll be fine. 2009 is around the corner. am i ready? what about you?